New Zealand is often portrait as a friendly oasis full of greenery and “down-to-earth people who embrace the spirit of manaakitanga, or hospitality” (www.newzealand.com)
Although there’s great things to say about New Zealand, there are also many frustrating aspects about it’s culture and social behaviours that rarely get discussed. Affecting fellow immigrants and New Zealanders alike.
My experiences as a foreigner comes into place to shape my perspective on the topic. I’m sharing this as a personal reflection, and thought it might feel rough for some, this post is not intended as an attack or meant to offend anyone.
That said, after living here for 5 years, I have given extensive thought and discussed different aspects of these topics with both New Zealanders and immigrants in a variety of scenarios and capacities and feel very strongly about these points.
Some people might not notice these behaviours in themselves, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. So, let’s talk about some of the things that often go unexamined and therefore, unsaid about New Zealand culture.
Indirect Communication – Guess Culture vs. Ask Culture
New Zealand operates within a “guess culture,” where people expect you to pick up on subtle hints rather than explicitly stating what they want or need. (Source: Cultural Atlas)
- Many Kiwis hint at things rather than saying them outright, expecting others to “get it.”
- This makes it hard for outsiders or direct communicators to understand what people really mean. Outsiders may struggle to interpret unspoken expectations.
- It creates unnecessary confusion in both professional and personal settings.
“Yeah Nah” – The Art of Avoidance
As mentioned in the previous point, New Zealanders are famously indirect communicators, and nothing embodies this more than “yeah nah.” This avoidance of direct responses can be frustrating, especially in professional settings where things get dragged out unnecessarily. Instead of getting a clear “yes” or “no,” you’re left deciphering what was actually meant. (Source: Cultural Atlas)
- It’s more than just slang—it’s a cultural trait that can make communication frustrating. People often avoid giving a clear yes or no, which drags out decision-making in work, relationships, and social plans.
- In work settings, this can lead to projects dragging on or feedback being unclear.
- In friendships and dating, it can feel like people are half-in, half-out, without real commitment.
- Avoidance of giving direct answers leads to delays and confusion.
Sugar-Coating Everything
New Zealanders tend to avoid direct criticism, preferring to soften their words. While this can make interactions feel polite, it also means that problems don’t always get addressed properly. (Source: University of Auckland)
- Criticism and direct feedback is often avoided, which means problems don’t get solved.
- Instead of addressing real issues, people dance around the topic or give passive-aggressive hints. Issues get overlooked due to fear of conflict.
- This ties into the “tall poppy syndrome”—no one wants to stand out or cause conflict.
Overly Sensitive & Conflict-Averse
Many New Zealanders avoid conflict at all costs, making it hard to have open conversations about real problems. (Source: Cultural Atlas)
- Honest conversations can quickly be shut down if someone feels offended.
- There’s a fear of disagreement, so people often disengage rather than discuss.
- This results in unresolved tensions and surface-level interactions.
- Criticism is often taken personally.
Conflict-Averse Yet Defensive – A Paradox That Creates More Conflict
New Zealand culture is known for its conflict-averse nature—people tend to avoid direct confrontation, preferring to keep things polite and non-confrontational. However, this reluctance to engage in open discussions often leads to built-up resentment and passive-aggressive behaviour. When conflict does arise, it can trigger strong defensiveness, making it even harder to resolve issues constructively.
- Avoidance Creates More Tension – Because people are hesitant to address problems head-on, misunderstandings and frustrations simmer beneath the surface. When the issue finally comes to light, it is often too late for a calm and rational discussion, leading to emotional outbursts or abrupt social cut-offs.
- Thin-Skinned but Resistant to Change – While many Kiwis get defensive when receiving criticism, they are also reluctant to self-reflect or consider alternative viewpoints. This creates a frustrating loop where people feel attacked when confronted but don’t take steps to improve the situation.
- Passive-Aggressive Responses – Instead of directly discussing disagreements, people may resort to subtle digs, exclusion, or silent treatment. This indirect approach to conflict can make social and professional environments feel tense and unspoken issues linger indefinitely.
This paradox—wanting to avoid conflict while being highly sensitive to criticism—ultimately leads to more conflict, not less. Instead of open, constructive conversations, many issues are left unresolved, leading to fractured relationships and workplace tensions.
Friendly but Friend-Phobic
Kiwis are friendly on the surface, but forming deep friendships can be surprisingly difficult. Social circles tend to be well-established, and breaking into them as an outsider feels nearly impossible. (Source: Cultural Atlas)
- Kiwis are polite and approachable, but breaking into their social circles is notoriously hard.
- Many expats and even locals struggle to form deep friendships, and social groups tend to be closed off. This seems to be true even for some kiwis themselves.
- There’s a paradox where people are nice on the surface but distant in reality.
- Friendliness does not always translate to deep friendships.
- Many people stick to childhood or long-term social circles.
Small Town, Big Hell
While New Zealand’s small towns are often romanticized as peaceful, tight-knit communities, the reality can be quite different, especially for newcomers or those who don’t conform to local norms. The isolation, social rigidity, and lack of opportunities can make small-town and even city life feel stifling rather than idyllic. – Note that when I say “small town” I’m also including most of their “cities”.
- Gossip and Social Surveillance – In small towns, everyone seems to know each other’s business, and gossip spreads quickly. This creates an environment where people feel constantly watched and judged, making it difficult to live freely or escape past mistakes.
- Resistance to Outsiders – Newcomers, especially those from different cultural backgrounds, can struggle to integrate. Local cliques are often well-established, and breaking into them can be nearly impossible.
- Limited Job and Social Opportunities – With fewer employment options, people can feel stuck in underpaying or unfulfilling jobs, contributing to frustration and a sense of stagnation. This also leads to a high rate of youth migration to larger cities, leaving behind aging populations and declining services.
- Mental Health Struggles – Isolation, lack of privacy, and limited access to mental health resources make small-town life particularly hard for those dealing with anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. Many struggle in silence, as seeking help can be seen as a sign of weakness.
- Toxic Social Dynamics – Many small towns suffer from entrenched social hierarchies, where certain families or individuals hold disproportionate power. Challenging these dynamics can result in exclusion or bullying, making life unbearable for those who don’t “fit in.”
For some, small-town life is comforting and familiar, but for many others, it can feel like a suffocating trap with no escape. This “small town, big hell” phenomenon explains why so many young people leave as soon as they get the chance, seeking more anonymity, opportunity, and freedom in larger cities.
People-Pleasing & Fear of Burning Bridges – The Small-Town Survival Mentality
In many parts of New Zealand, particularly in small towns, there is an unspoken pressure to keep the peace at all costs. With limited social circles, job opportunities, and support systems, people often feel like they can’t afford to make enemies—leading to an ingrained culture of people-pleasing and avoidance of difficult conversations.
- Fear of Social & Professional Isolation – In smaller communities, where everyone knows each other, falling out with someone can have long-term consequences. If you upset the wrong person, it could affect your job prospects, your reputation, or even your personal relationships. This makes people hesitant to express their true thoughts or stand up for themselves.
- Lack of Alternative Support Systems – In bigger cities, if you lose a friend or leave a job, you can find new ones. In small towns, the limited social and professional networks mean that burning bridges can leave you completely stranded, which forces many people to suppress their needs and opinions to maintain harmony.
- Superficial Niceness & Passive Aggression – Because people are afraid of conflict, issues often go unspoken and unresolved. Instead of addressing problems directly, small-town social dynamics rely heavily on gossip, backhanded compliments, and silent exclusion—which can be even more toxic than outright confrontation.
- Struggles for Migrants & Outsiders – This people-pleasing dynamic can be especially hard for newcomers who don’t know the unspoken social rules. While locals might be friendly on the surface, breaking into social circles can be difficult, and people may hesitate to form deep connections out of fear of rocking the boat.
This fear of burning bridges creates a society where many people pretend to be okay rather than expressing their true feelings, making it hard to build authentic relationships. It also reinforces small-town stagnation, as people avoid change or difficult conversations to keep things comfortable—even if those changes would ultimately improve their lives.
Tall Poppy Syndrome
This is no news to any other country. We have tall poppy syndrome elsewhere too. But rather than making yourself small, people overseas tend to prefer standing out in competition. This of course is no healthy behaviour but seeing this phenomenon from both sides of the spectrum. Having to make yourself small to please other people is honestly suffocating and being in a place so isolated from everywhere else – small town big problems – it makes it even more suffocating and toxic.
Confusing Social Cues – Māori vs. European Influence
New Zealand’s cultural landscape is a blend of Māori and European traditions, which can sometimes send mixed messages. The coexistence of these influences can create inconsistencies in social interactions, particularly for newcomers. New Zealand’s culture is a mix of Māori and European influences, can sometimes create conflicting social norms. (Source: Victoria University of Wellington)
Some spaces embrace Māori customs (some still clear and visible such as hongi greetings and karakia and others, less clear and visible like the adequate amount of eye contact – “(For New Zealanders) Eye contact should be maintained directly and intermittently broken. However, be aware that some Pacific Island cultures and Māori consider direct eye contact to be disrespectful and confrontational.” (culturalatlas), while others stick to European norms.
In some cases, young New Zealanders have been exposed to and have a mixture of both, making it even more confusing.
- This inconsistency can make social interactions unclear, especially for newcomers.
- What is acceptable in one context may not be in another.
- Different cultural expectations can lead to misunderstandings.
Superficial Understanding of Their Own Culture
Many Kiwis are proud of their country but have a surface-level understanding of its history and cultural complexities. (Source: Te Ara – The Encyclopedia of New Zealand)
Critics argue that New Zealand’s approach to biculturalism has been superficial, focusing more on symbolic gestures rather than substantive change. This has led to calls for a deeper engagement with the country’s cultural complexities. (teara.govt.nz)
- Online, NZ is often portrayed as perfect, with little critical discussion. This often goes beyond the tourism slogans and into the everyday narrative and perception of New Zealanders about themselves. Focus on positive narratives while avoiding deeper issues, lacking of deeper cultural discussions beyond mainstream topics.
- There’s a lack of deep reflection, possibly because Kiwis haven’t had to face the same level of historic conflict or cultural interaction and adaptation with other countries as other nations have.
Multiculturalism vs. Biculturalism – The Unspoken Tension in New Zealand
New Zealand presents itself as both a bicultural and a multicultural nation, but the balance between these two identities is often uneasy and contradictory. While the country officially recognizes its bicultural foundation (honoring the partnership between Māori and Pākehā under the Treaty of Waitangi), its growing multicultural population—especially migrants from Asia, the Pacific, and beyond—often feels sidelined in national conversations.
- Biculturalism as a Priority – The government and institutions prioritize Māori-Pākehā relations, which makes sense given New Zealand’s colonial history. However, this emphasis sometimes means that other ethnic groups—such as Pacific Islanders, Asians, and Middle Eastern communities—struggle to have their voices heard in national identity discussions. Many migrants feel like they are expected to “fit into” the bicultural framework rather than have their own cultural backgrounds acknowledged.
- Multicultural Reality, Bicultural Framework – Statistics show that nearly 30% of New Zealand’s population is born overseas, yet the country’s policies and public narratives don’t always reflect this reality. Unlike countries like Canada or Australia, which openly embrace multiculturalism, New Zealand still largely frames cultural discussions around the Māori-Pākehā binary. (Stats NZ)
- Migrant Communities Feeling Excluded – While Māori have fought for decades to regain language, land, and cultural rights, migrants often struggle with their own challenges—such as discrimination, underemployment, and social exclusion—with fewer institutional supports in place. Some feel that the bicultural focus leaves little room for their own cultures to be recognized or celebrated at the same level.
- The Fear of “Too Much” Multiculturalism – Some conservative groups fear that emphasizing multiculturalism too much could dilute New Zealand’s commitment to honouring the Treaty of Waitangi. There is an underlying concern that Māori rights could be overshadowed if the country fully embraces a multicultural identity.
The tension between biculturalism and multiculturalism is rarely talked about openly, but it shapes many of New Zealand’s social and political dynamics. While it’s important to honour the country’s Indigenous past, the nation must also figure out how to evolve and properly acknowledge the diverse realities of its present and future.
Living in a Bubble – Ignoring global issues
New Zealand’s isolation fosters a sheltered mindset. While many Kiwis travel, those who stay often lack awareness of global issues.
- Many assume New Zealand’s way of life is superior.
- Many Kiwis are happy to remain disconnected from global issues or other ways of thinking.
- There’s little curiosity about life outside NZ, and many people don’t travel much.
- There is limited discussion on global affairs beyond mainstream headlines.
- Other countries are forced to adapt due to migration, history, and global influence—NZ remains somewhat isolated.
- People often criticize other countries for being superficial but don’t examine their own ways of thinking.
Resistance to Change and Innovation
New Zealand’s cautious approach can sometimes hinder progress and innovation. This “culture of saying no” can lead to bureaucratic inertia, slowing down infrastructure projects and stifling economic opportunities. For instance, proposals aimed at boosting tourism and attracting digital nomads have faced significant public backlash, reflecting a reluctance to embrace new ideas. (Source: The Australian)
This resistance to change can be frustrating for those seeking dynamic growth and adaptation within the country.
- Bureaucracy makes it hard to implement change.
- People are often resistant to new ideas and progress.
Flawed Mental (& Physical) Health Systems
Like many countries, New Zealand struggles with its healthcare system. Long wait times, underfunding, and limited mental health support leave many people without adequate care. (Source: NZ Herald)
- Long wait times, lack of specialists, and underfunded services leave people struggling.
- Mental health issues are acknowledged but not always well-supported. People’s mental health is often left unattended until the last minute, where attention is reserved for “acute distress or suicidal ideation” rather than providing aid for those seeking help during the initial stages of mental health struggles.
- With a small population, there’s less peer pressure, accountability and support systems to seek help.
Final Thoughts
These points highlight cultural aspects of New Zealand that may be frustrating for some individuals. It’s important to understand the broader cultural context and recognize that experiences vary widely.
I know this is a generalization, and no two people are the same. I’m not saying every Kiwi acts this way or is not culturally aware, but many would be surprised to realize they partake in these behaviours without noticing.
This perspective comes from my personal experience as a Mexican person, not as a representative of all Latin Americans or Mexicans. While this list is direct (and maybe harsh to some), it’s not meant to attack or offend. Feel free to share your thoughts and observations—I encourage healthy discussion.
Voicing opinions and observations as an immigrant never comes easy. Due to recent events in New Zealand’s own Parliament and with ongoing conflicts between the United States against Mexico and Latin American immigrants, I feel inclined to disclaim:
You’re entitled to your thoughts and feelings and disagreeing with me it’s totally fine but if you think of writing something derogatory about immigrants, Mexico, Latin American people or myself as heard from NZ First MP “send the Mexicans home”, save us both some time—I’ll either ignore or delete your comments.
That being said, what do you think? Have you noticed any of these aspects in New Zealand culture? Is there anything else you have noticed that is not often discussed? I’d love to read your thoughts.
This post may contain affiliate links which means I may receive a commission should you choose to sign up for a program or make a purchase using my links. It’s ok, I will only recommend products that I have personally used or care for – I love all of these products, and you will too! Learn more on my Private Policy page.
This Post Has 15 Comments
It took until the paragraph titled Resistance to Change and Innovation to cotton on to the writer’s real agenda quoting ‘culture of saying no’. Perfect propaganda for the current government. Most of the points made are to regarded from a post-Covid perspective which brought societal change in most countries around the world.
Australia has struggled with multiculturalism and one looks at the public awareness campaign in early 1990s ‘Be alert but not alarmed’ as an example of the Islamophobia that was once seen.
The New Zealand culture has evolved over time and has been fractious between Māori and Pākeha within generations but with so many taking up the opportunity to learn te reo Māori and tikanga Māori this is likely to change the landscape.
Local and central politics impact on a lot of social issues, where the defunding of community services, for example, alters people’s quality of life; thereby increasing the gap between the haves and the have nots. Lack of investment in health, education and infrastructure has been devastating for the population. Right-wing governments have made political decisions that have exacerbated inequality. The move away from honouring te Tiriti and the watering down of the use of te reo Māori in public services and legislation has already been met with protests and long may that continue. NZ is not for sale.
Kia ora Bea, I appreciate your comments and sharing your point of view.
As I mentioned before, I’m writing from a personal point of view. Not following any sort of political agenda.
I do acknowledge that my experiences are of course based on the 5 years I’ve been in the country, which have been afected by covid and recent global issues. At the same time, with New Zealand being an island nation and with it’s low population, being in a constant state of natural isolation, its easy to see how these are traits that have developed and have been observed before and regardless of the pandemic. These issues have been affecting and being reasons for young New Zealanders to move overseas way before Covid and any of the current political circumstances.
Although the current government is less than ideal and some of the issues at the moment are clearly a result of it, I’ve experienced and observed all of these issues and behaviours way before the current government came to power. So no, my opinion is not politically or aganda based.
Nearly 30% of the New Zealand population is immigrant. Of the rest New Zealand born people, another percentage of that is from non-māori or european descendent.
Me and lots of immigrants and non-māori and european New Zealanders are for and support the protection of māori people and their rights. Going as far as joining the protests as well (I recently joined the Hikoi in Wellington) but the bicultural narrative fails to acknowledge this huge part of New Zealand’s population of immigrant or non-māori / european New Zealanders.
This polarization and alienation in my opinion, is part of the problem. A trait that I see in countries of the likes of USA. In a way, yes, focusing on biculturalism keeps the focus on māori rights but it also prevents non-māori / european from really participating, helping in the fight for māori rights and protecting them and other matters.
Maybe including non-māori and non-europeans in the narrative may help mediate these issues. This lack of trust that we have each other’s back is also an issue. “Either them or us” mentality is an issue. Leaving roughly a third of the population as an expectator of this and the country we all live in is an issue.
I’m not saying one posture or though is the solution over another one. That thought process further polarizes and politicizes opinions, not all opinions are political.
Taking sides, putting “agendas” on everything and not allowing for discussion and the aperture of thought and speech is the exact problem I’m trying to bring light to in this post. :)
Again, thanks for your comment! I appreciate hearing other perspectives.
Saludos
Ngā mihi,
Cecy
Beautiful words ! The clarity and bravery to address our communication styles. I want to say the clarity of the black and white of these words in print – but that reduces a nuance into yet another binary framework.
As a Dutch heritage 2nd generation kiwi. I have often been accused of being too direct – offending a German with my directness is my latest claim to fame in my professional life.
But we really struggle with direct communication- the only way we get better with it is to practice ! So please keep writing.
As an immigrant who has lived here for 27 years, your point about surface friendliness but difficulty forming friendships resonated with me. It does happen, it just takes a while longer. Kiwis are just as kind & welcoming as other countries; they’re just generally more subtle about it. Also the challenge of finding work was initially difficult for me too as employers were unable to understand my different work experience. Again, once you’ve worked in NZ for a bit, that becomes easier too. I wish you all the best with getting to enjoy this beautiful country; there’s a reason why so many of us stay. 😍
I agree with many of your points and have suffered from tall poppy and the frustrations with my fellow kiwis inability to handle directness. I also think Bea M has it bang on. Between the two of you we have a description of kiwi culture that I identify with. One wee point, I’m not a fan of the sensationalist title: The dark side… it is the reality and is just different to what you perhaps expected. I’ve travelled fairly extensively and have found many European based cultures to be similar. I’m enjoyed the read, thanks for bringing it up – I wish every kiwi would read and reflect on it!
Kia Ora Carl! Appreciate your message. What title do you think would better represent the topic?
I agree that much of NZ culture does reflect the british and other european cultures as you mentioned so they’re all not uniquely New Zealand traits but they’re traits that stand out to me and seem heightened and preserved by the geographic isolation.
I came into the country without knowing much about it as I had been living in Thailand before and met my kiwi partner there. I was expecting to be in the country for a few months to a year max so being in the position of having to stay due to covid made it really hard to adapt and understand the culture.
Getting out of that shock made it crucial for me try and understand the root of my feelings and then try to put things into perspective with the things I heard from what both kiwis and other immigrants said about their experiences. For this reason I like to think I didn’t come in with any particular thoughts or preconceived expectations (although I know, unconsciously we all do) but rather came up with these ideas while navigating the culture on the spot. Again, trying to see it from different perspectives as to not be biased by my own experiences, particularly in this post.
I think the observations are insightful and unfortunately spot on in most cases. However, I think the observations about biculturalism misundertand its value and historic purpose. Māori are given more voice in NZ than any other minority culture because they are the indigenous people (and to honour the historical legal contract). Their culture is not found anywhere else on Earth. If all Mexican culture in NZ was marginalised to extinction, it would still exist thrive elsewhere in the world (Mexico in particular). If Māori language and culture is lost here it is gone from the Earth. Bicultural prioritisation is an acknowledgement of this and a promise of care.
The other half of the bicultural agreement is the Crown, which encompasses Pakeha, and Tau Iwi / Tanagata Tiriti – that is everyone else including migrants. To suggest that ‘biculturalism leaves little room’ for minority cultures to create a false dichotomy between Māori and minority migrant peoples. Migrant communities should be given more of a voice imo, but this doesn’t need to come at the cost of the special protections afforded Māori as the indigenous people of NZ. The majority Pakeha culture takes up most of the oxygen in the room and could share more of the resources and cultural space. As an aside, the above characteristics you identify primarily have their origins in this majority culture, not tangata whenua.
Hi Cecy, soy de California y los Mexicanos son mis amigos!!! I’ve been here exactly the same time frame as you and struggled with exactly what you described: massive cultural shock due to getting stuck here for Covid and ultimately staying, when that wasn’t my original plan.
This is really well thought out and put together. I’ve experienced the same exact things. My heart goes out to you! This is a tiny little country all by itself down at the bottom of the world. I love parts of it, but I have also struggled a lot. All the best to you.
It’s an interesting read, and while I agree with the title for each of the concepts, I also think it misses a lot of nuances.
I am privileged in the sense that I identify as Maori/Pakeha, grew up in a multicultural suburb, I also pass as white, which means i blend into mainstream NZ, even if thats not quite how I identify. I also worked as a Treaty of Waitangi educator, majored in International Relations and now teach cross cultural comms at teritary level in France. So I feel qualified to speak to these issues.
It’s one thing to analyze a culture from the outside, but I am always mindful that my reflections are also largely based on my own unique perceptions of the world, and do not represent an objective reality.
While I feel the observations are correct eg. Kiwis are conflict avoidant; the meanings attached to those observations lack a depth of understanding about how NZ society actually functions. While contemporary NZ is a young nation, it doesn’t mean society lacks depth when it comes to the way people communicate. In that respect, NZ needs to be understood on its own terms. Not as a piece of England at the bottom of the world, but as a colonised territory of the south Pacific ocean, with a history which spans 1,000 years. If we start the conversation re- cultural norms by centering te ao Maori, then I think we can have a richer conversation about cultural norms. I do want to emphasise once more that you are correct in what you are observing, but there are some missing details that would help to have a complete picture.
For example, in Maori society, whanaungatanga (relationships) are key to survival. So establishing, building and enhancing relationships is a priority in te ao Maori. Your ability to do this well can increase your mana (integrity/influence/prestige) and that of your whānau. And this takes a lot of work. In fact, the time and effort that goes into this process cannot be underestimated. You need to look after your relationships. This means that when conflict does arise, there is a lot at stake. The manner in which the conflict is resolved can therefore impact hugely on relationships, hence why we are careful in the first instance. We act in ways to save face, and try to find ways to work around so that there doesn’t need to be a full blown conflict. There is no rule book as to how you can negotiate these situations, but you definitly need to know the very complex and nuanced cultural codes and cues in order to solve any issues effectively. But if you don’t communicate effectively, then you risk losing the relationship. To be clear, this doesn’t mean we shy away from conflict – on the contrary. Hence why all care must be taken in the first instance, so that we are not forced to forsake the relationship, and everything that comes with it.
In contrast, I live in France where the opposite is true. They love conflict, and will debate til kingdom come about anything and everything, to demonstrate their prowess, their wit, their superior intellect, regardless of the impact their words may have on their relationships. They can share some choice words, sometimes bordering on insulting, and yet, by dessert, they have moved onto the next topic without any casualties. They have no concern for upholding the mana (integrity/honour) of others, which creates a dog eat dog kind of world. It’s not my cup of tea, as people embarass and mock one another for cudos. But i also understand how and why people communicate this way, and that makes it easier for me to integrate when necessary, or to step out of an interaction when I don’t feel comfortable.
In that respect, what I find helpful is recognising how any given cultural differences make you feel, and why, without placing a value or judgement on it. When you are able to do that, you are in a more empowered position to choose how to respond – whether that is integrating, or consciously rejecting the norm and being able to explain clearly why you have chosen to do so. This is where you have an opportunity to deepen your relationship with others, as well as learn more about how/why people do things the way they do. When you can own your feelings, it opens up the potential for deeper, potentially life changing conversations (even with Kiwis!).
Of course you don’t have to follow the norms, nor to accompany your actions with any explanations, but the ability to do this demonstrates intercultural competency. The inability to do this creates conflict, which we have already ascertained Kiwis do not like, so this could impact on whether or not you are seen as being integrated. Then again, NZ European society tends to be more individualistic (see Hofstedes cultural indicators) so to that extent, does it really matter?
Also, as a product of bicultural/multicultural NZ, I have to disagree with the overall suggestion that it’s contradictory and problematic. The perceived problems come from the lack of education on these issues, but in and of themselves, they aren’t contradictory. Colonisation has a lot to answer for in destroying the tuakana/teina relationship that Aotearoa had with our Polynesian relatives. Our DNA is also traced back to southeast Asia, more specifically Taiwan, and I believe there have been projects between several Māori and indigenous Taiwanese organisation’s which proves the point. When we go back to our whakapapa, we are a south Pacific nation with ties across Asia-Pacific-the American continent. Our pre-colonial ancestors traversed these oceans, going back and forth over several generations, to share knowledge of our various exploits around Te Moana nui a Kiwa. Colonisation has succeeded in destroying those rich multicultural relationships. So buying into the bicultural vs multicultural narrative serves to strengthen colonial constructs more than anything. It’s a false dichotomy that I don’t find helpful in advancing Aotearoa (check out the Pakeha Project, or Asians for Tino Rangatiratanga for kōrero and resources about allyship in Aotearoa).
Kia Ora Sharelle, thanks for your comment and perspective. Of course, I’d never understand the nuances of a culture as somebody who has grown up in the dept of it themselves. Similarly, I am also a white passing Mexican so I totally understand what you’re coming from. In Mexico, history is not properly taught and many people also don’t fully grasp the nuances and implications of colonization and many other aspects of the culture.
Being in New Zealand and seeing the implications of colonization still, being such a young nation, so relevant to the everyday of the country, made me reflect back on the version of colonization we have in Mexico. Different from British colonization, Spanish colonization has different mantises that I’m still trying to decipher.
As I work in the public sector and tourism industry, I do see the narrative that is sold to the outside world and how that perception differs from what people actually experience living here. Again, addressing how it affects New Zealanders and immigrants alike without intending on talk to topics that I might not have enough understanding or right to talk to as an outsider. This is what I’ve tried to address and tackle in this post.
I do love that it’s bring in more perspectives and creating these conversations though, which is part of what I was hoping to achieve rather than it coming across as an attack. So again, thank you for this thoughtful and insightful comment!
Saludos and ngā mihi!
Cecy
As a New Zealander who grew up partly in Europe, I agree with many of your points. It sometimes feels like the whole country is a small town, which is really stifling! People appear friendly, but underneath they are often distrustful and generally don’t like to be open, for fear of being judged. This is largely a middle class phenomenon, I think. I also agree with you about how immigrants are marginalized (and often exploited, which is absolutely shameful). There is a subtle way New Zealanders have of conveying smugness and superiority, which I don’t think they are even aware that they are doing because it’s so ingrained. Basically, there’s just too much nationalism.
I came to Aotearoa in 1999. Best times I think as it had smaller more equalitarian society. No fences between properties : lived for 6 month in Torbay, North Shore, Auckland. My elder started college , we become good friends with our landlord who lived next house, my youngest used to walk onto neighbouring properties ( 1 1/2 years old ) . We moved to UK to be near my husband family ( I am from Roumania) : I hated it ! Cold, people cold..had made in 18 month only 1 friend ( Scottish). It was the biggest cultural shock especially as those times (2000 to 2001) roumanian gypsies were front page of all news papers! I am not a gypsy : totaly different people , in uk they are called travellers , they are Romani tribe from India . They did have a reputation of stealing and begging. I missed Auckland and decided to move back . We bought a house next to our old landlord, kids went back to school ,we brought our dog from UK with us . I joined a gym . Few times I did encounter a bit of “go back from where you came from” ( one old woman ) but I stood my ground pointing out I was paying ( with our company we opened) more taxes than they ever did! We have good friends ( Mexican lady just hot married second time to a kiwi , kiwis mainly). Yes kiwis may be more English than Australians but when you get to know them and they trust you yiu have friends for life. Unfortunately the society has changed with more immigrants coming in , some choosing not to mix and mingle . Chinese ,Indian keep to themselves mostly . Crime has risen, poverty, inequality , unemployment too especially since National &Act got in. I moved to Australia when our community started to be destroyed by overbuilding and pollution. Plus the weather is too cold . My sons still live in Torbay and Christchurch. Youngest ,in Christchurch, after finishing computer science couldn’t get any work: every business wanted “trained” staff..plus it is “whom you know ” as we’ve seen when my husband applied for jobs! But that’s another issue ! So my advise : get a dog. Join a gym. Be yourself, enjoy whatever is left of the green cleanish Aotearoa. Still better than USA..
I’m a Pākehā New Zealander, grew up in Auckland, but I have always loved to travel and I ended up living in Europe, Japan and then China for several years. Now that I am living and working in New Zealand again, I find that I am struggling with many of the things you have described above. I guess I underestimated the reverse culture shock that can come with trying to reintegrate into your home country. The whole of NZ does have a very small town feel, it’s not so much the small population, it’s the prevailing mindsets. It’s often very frustrating, I agree.
Hi, I think it’s a brilliant and courageous article. Best I’ve read in a long time. You’ve covered the field for my money except for some ‘Combo Deals’ or *BUY*Products of some of these “frustrating things”, some and perhaps even many of which I think of as ‘Sinister’ rather than merely frustrating. Part of what’s holding us back as a *Species*
Stuff that could be *facilitated* out of us??? And BETTER Regulated, eg Online *HARM*. Interpersonal HARM for that matter, especially in the public domain.
Lack of (what I call) appreciative and critical thinking, however one does not acquire it, at home, within the school system, quashed by religion, peer group pressure ~ the ‘Lord of the Flies’ playground ~ excessive sport and competition ~ lack of *PLAY* ~ ends in “Do as you’re TOLD!” and it’s neoliberal corollary “Do as you’re SOLD!” aka Softer Hard Sell.
Small-Town Mentality combined with People-Pleasing Tendencies ~ especially the corrosively toxic effects of *rumor, gossip and hearsay* with it’s digital-age corollary of online *HARM*, mis-&-dis*information ~ PLUS Tall Poppy Syndrome etc ~ can lead to a thing I reckon is best described as ‘Groupthink’ and it can be ‘mobilized’ and thereby become dangerous, because it can so easily be *MOB* forming. I’ve experienced this.
Individuals who make up *MOBS* are easily enough ‘triggered’ let alone *MOBS* trapped in Groupthink. Thus, perhaps, vilest-possible local governance runs up through the system too??? In addition to ‘Trick iLL Down’ ???
It’s not a GOOD* look.
*GOOD equals “the opposite to Selfish” ~ as redefined using meta-data from 70% of the world’s population by Simon Anholt and Team for ‘The Good Country Index’ ~ an excellent TEDx on YouTube.
Your comments are mostly spot on. As 7th Gen NZ’er I wonder to what extent did living on two small islands with small populations did for social relations.
Growing up, you learnt never to be direct because the person you were talking to may be the cousin of another person that you knew. So you *had* to beat around the bush and hope like mad the other person understood, but because they were also beating around the bush, they were equally hoping. Mostly you got it right.
I grew up in a bicultural nation. The Treaty of Waitangi frames my relationship with Maori, and because I’m 7th Gen I have a different view of Maori compared to someone who is 2nd or 3rd gen. That relationship is constantly being negotiated, discussed, refined, and attended to in all sorts of ways, both in the past, and in the present. But it’s a relationship very clearly between Pakeha and Maori. I’m not at all supportive of more recent arrivals (Asians, ME, Indians) assuming that they too can speak out on the Treaty, so I don’t like the term Tangata Te Tiri, which to me feels like it can slip its wings out over them, a kind of way in which it ‘sugar coats’ a current reality – which doesn’t make sense at all. It feels like I’m being shoved into the background and I resist that.
It’s interesting I’m writing this on Waitangi Day, which for when I was growing up a relatively new thing – like hey! we have a National Day too – but it has evolved over years to being a very specific site where the relationship between iwi/hapu and Pakeha are maintained, renewed, and re-negotiated, so for me Waitangi Day today becomes a reflection of sorts about the ways in which Pakeha have deliberately breached Treaty rights, and how we might remedy that.
And it’s that deep reflection – see, we also have deep reflection – that has evolved over time. The ways in which Pakeha dealt with it historically (we can read about it), to current times. It’s not that we don’t do deep reflection – we do, it’s just not celebrated like the French celebrate it – it’s an in-house shared reflection distributed by books/art/music up until about 2000, then media changed so art/music became less important as sites of deep reflection, but books remained a vehicle for sharing such reflection.
The small town-ness of AoNZ – well yes. I love it personally, even if it has its bad spots. (Interestingly enough, the dynamics of small town-ness was used to great effect in the Covid years (reminder, Covid is still with us!) through the use of bubbles, and staying in your neighbourhoods.) It works to great effect where the social relations you have with people who live in small towns – childhood friends, whanau, of course.
Just a few of my thoughts. Thank you again for writing, it is appreciated.